I learned a new term in this publication process – “Imposter Syndrome”. I wasn’t sure what it meant to I looked it up. There was a fantastic 4 minute Ted Talk about this.
As a writer, I feel this so deeply, especially now that I have a publisher representing my book, Keridwen. It’s a weird thing to describe without sounding like I’m fishing for compliments, but the reality is that I’ve been writing for 20+ years. Keridwen is the first novel I’ve had chosen for publication. I think a part of me thought it would never happen because my writing wasn’t good enough. The truth, though, is that I know my writing isn’t bad. I’ve had enough people (not family and friends) read it and like it that I do know I can write. That being said, I still wonder if I’m capable of being “successful” in sales. After all, everything is driven by statistics and those statistics determine the public’s idea of success in a business. Publishing is a business. I know all of this.
I also know that the idea that I’ve written 7 full length novels is no small feat. Even though it feels like everyone online has written novels, the majority of the population has not. It’s an accomplishment in its own right. I often find myself telling my creative writing students this very thing, while silently I have to remind myself as well.
So why do I have Imposter Syndrome? Why don’t I feel worthy of success in writing? Will it ever stop?
I don’t know.
What I do know is that I hope for nothing but the best. I continue working with the goal of one day being able to write fulltime. It’s never too late for that to happen.
In the meantime, I guess we will see after Keridwen’s official launch on June 16th. I’m crossing my fingers and toes from under the table I’m hiding.
Jamie Handling 