Writing Blog

It’s funny how as a writer, I plan out all of this time to write and never get to it. I know I’m not alone with this because there are plenty of writers posting about it on Twitter. This time, however, I haven’t gotten to my writing because of other issues rather than procrastination.

I’m an English teacher on a 4×4 block. This means that typically, I would have 3 classes a semester, but this semester I am teaching on my prep. I have Creative Writing (both intro and intermediate in the same period), CP English 10, and two periods of ERWC (Expository Reading and Writing Course – seniors). All four classes are full with 36-40 students and all four classes focus on writing. This means I’m grading ALL THE TIME.

When I agreed to teach on my prep, I knew it would be time consuming, but I didn’t realize I would be sacrificing the writer in me in the process. I figured I would be able to budget my time appropriately to be able to do both, as well as be a mom and a wife. I thought I could be Wonder Woman. I thought wrong. I cannot do it all, and that’s a hard pill to swallow.

I can’t stop being a mom and a wife, and teaching is what allows me to feed my children, so the only thing I can really walk away from is writing. I have been forced to take a break. I do have free time at home, and some may say that I can easily use that time to write, but I actually want to relax and read or watch TV. I’m drained. So, rather than writing, I’ve chosen to spend some time with my family. We’ve been playing board games, watching movies, and just plain cuddling, which I must say is different since I have two teenagers. Honestly, I’m enjoying this time quite a bit.

But what does that mean for me as a writer? Apparently, I needed this break. The querying process can be seriously demoralizing. It’s hard not to have feelings when getting hit with rejection. Yes, I know. You have to have thick skin as a writer. And yes, I know. It only takes one yes. And no, I’m not giving up. But sometimes, it’s healthy to walk away before jumping back in.

I haven’t talked about this much, but the truth is, back in October I was offered a publishing contract by an Indie publishing house. I was ELATED. I waited patiently for my contract to arrive, but with the holidays, there were some holdups. Then there were problems with the company. I should have recognized the red flags, but I wanted it to happen so badly I stuck with it. I’m sure some of you would have done the same.

Finally in January, my contract arrived. I waited a week before signing because there were more problems surfacing with the company, but I ultimately signed…again because I wanted it to happen. But the bottom fell out with the company. It all unraveled leaving a dozen authors with nothing. Our contracts were voided and the rights to our works were returned. We were all left with shattered dreams. I thought I didn’t care, so I jumped right back into querying. I thought if happened once, I’d picked up again. I thought it would all work out, but it hasn’t. Instead, I was faced with a series of rejections and recommendations to revise. So now, that’s what I plan on doing – a major revise and rewrite.

This unintentional forced break has given me the opportunity to reflect and relax. It has allowed me to see what I need to do and to heal from the broken opportunity to be published. I know now that that was a higher power releasing me from something that could have ended very badly for my book and for me. It was a good thing.

Now, as Spring Break approaches and my grading has subsided, for now, I know what I want to do during my week off. I want to work on my book proposal and work on revising my novel. It’s going to be a creative week off and I can’t wait. As for everything else, I’m taking from a break from all of it…at least until I return to school. 😉

As a working mom and writer, I find there is a balancing act I could drop at any moment. During the day, I am a teacher with four periods (I’m teaching on my prep) of heavy writing courses. Each class has between 35-40 students, and they are turning in essays weekly. I grade every second I can during the day to preserve some free moments at night, but even if I can grade all day long, inevitably, there are a few nights a week when I am seated on the couch surrounded by paper.

People like to say, “Well, you knew what you were getting into when you decided to be an English teacher.” And they’re right. I love my job. I love seeing the lightbulb flicker on for kids who have never liked English before they have me. I love reading the brilliant creativity from kids who have been discredited most of their lives for being “weird” or “different,” and I absolutely love inspiring others. All that being said, I do love my job, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy or that I would like a break from grading from time to time.

After I do get that done, I am a mom and wife. My kids are teenagers, so they don’t want to be around me as much as I’d like, but that doesn’t mean they don’t need me. I spend my evenings taking care of the physical and emotional needs of my family. Sometimes this is just sitting on the couch, watching TV with them. Other times, it’s helping with homework, and others, I’m wiping the tears from a broken heart. I’m a busy lady.

Somewhere in there, I’m a writer as well. This is where the balancing act happens. I’m currently working on multiple writing projects that I desperately want to complete.

BACKSTABBER needs a home. Between querying and revising and querying again, it will find one. I just know it.

Then there is my nonfiction Creative Writing book project. This is in the proposal stage, but it’s coming along. I want to make the proposal perfect and send it off, but then if it gets picked up I will have to write it. YIKES! I’m ready for the task! School’s almost done and then it’s summer break.

So where am I going with this? Life is a balancing act, and I wouldn’t have it any other way because if the choice is to have an easy go by letting go of one of my roles, I don’t want the choice. I want the crazy that is my life.

I have been a fiction writer for as long as I can remember, but I’ve been an educator for 20 years. There has always been a pull to writing something about education, but I have always wondered, “What do I have to offer?”

This weekend I had the privilege to present at the CATE Conference 2019 to a group of California English Educators about building a creative writing program. I have been teaching creative writing for so long and taken roughly a decade to design an effective and rigorous creative writing program. I don’t want to be boastful, but I honestly believe it’s a damn good program and I am extremely passionate about it.

I also had the privilege of reconnecting with Mr. Burke, but my sophomore English teacher. He was the first teacher to assign a short story to me for a grade. It was empowering and exciting to create something so different than anything I had ever done before. He inspired me then to write and he inspires me now to write, but this time he inspires me to write non-fiction.

So I’m trying something new. I have downloaded a template for writing a non-fiction book proposal and will be working on that until it is complete. This is scary and to be honest, I have anxiety about it, but it feels like God placed Mr. Burke in my path for a purpose. It’s time that I write something I genuinely feel like I know a lot about.

I’m still going to query my novel, BACKSTABBER, but my focus is redirecting. God help me.

Have a great week. Any comments are appreciated.

This weekend I am attending the California Association of Teachers of English (CATE) Conference, and I’m presenting how to build a creative writing program at the high school level. I have to admit I’m a bit nervous.

I’m starting with the rationale that schools need to have a creative outlet for kids who are attempting to process challenging situations in their lives.

I remember when I was taking Creative Writing in college, I was going through all kinds of turmoil in my life. Writing stories was a way for me to gain control in often out of control situations. I was able to change the ending to my liking. Sometimes that meant violence, and sometimes it was a happy ending, but it always ended how I wanted to. Even if it didn’t in real life. It was the when I fell in love with writing.

As an English teacher we are bound to teaching the Common Core standards, or other state standards. Narrative writing is often overlooked because there is so much more we have to cover in the school year, but imagine if more teachers dedicated time to giving students a voice. These kids could work through their depression, anxiety, and other issues that the rest of the world tells them to push aside.

I’m proud to be a writer, and I’m proud to encourage kids to write everyday. I’ve had he privilege of teaching creative writing at my school and it’s amazing how much talent these kids, of all types, bring to the table. My room is full of athletes, thespians, artists, nerds, and more. When you first walk in, it’s easy to think there’s no way they will get along, but by the end of the semester, they become a family. It’s truly inspiring.

I hope this weekend inspires other teachers and schools to start their own writing programs where kids from all walks of life can utilize their voices for good.

Wish me luck!

It’s definitely hard to put your heart and soul out there for the world to read, but if you don’t try you never know what could happen.

Let your words flow freely and change the world one word at a time.

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I look forward to writing with you.