It’s funny how as a writer, I plan out all of this time to write and never get to it. I know I’m not alone with this because there are plenty of writers posting about it on Twitter. This time, however, I haven’t gotten to my writing because of other issues rather than procrastination.
I’m an English teacher on a 4×4 block. This means that typically, I would have 3 classes a semester, but this semester I am teaching on my prep. I have Creative Writing (both intro and intermediate in the same period), CP English 10, and two periods of ERWC (Expository Reading and Writing Course – seniors). All four classes are full with 36-40 students and all four classes focus on writing. This means I’m grading ALL THE TIME.
When I agreed to teach on my prep, I knew it would be time consuming, but I didn’t realize I would be sacrificing the writer in me in the process. I figured I would be able to budget my time appropriately to be able to do both, as well as be a mom and a wife. I thought I could be Wonder Woman. I thought wrong. I cannot do it all, and that’s a hard pill to swallow.
I can’t stop being a mom and a wife, and teaching is what allows me to feed my children, so the only thing I can really walk away from is writing. I have been forced to take a break. I do have free time at home, and some may say that I can easily use that time to write, but I actually want to relax and read or watch TV. I’m drained. So, rather than writing, I’ve chosen to spend some time with my family. We’ve been playing board games, watching movies, and just plain cuddling, which I must say is different since I have two teenagers. Honestly, I’m enjoying this time quite a bit.
But what does that mean for me as a writer? Apparently, I needed this break. The querying process can be seriously demoralizing. It’s hard not to have feelings when getting hit with rejection. Yes, I know. You have to have thick skin as a writer. And yes, I know. It only takes one yes. And no, I’m not giving up. But sometimes, it’s healthy to walk away before jumping back in.
I haven’t talked about this much, but the truth is, back in October I was offered a publishing contract by an Indie publishing house. I was ELATED. I waited patiently for my contract to arrive, but with the holidays, there were some holdups. Then there were problems with the company. I should have recognized the red flags, but I wanted it to happen so badly I stuck with it. I’m sure some of you would have done the same.
Finally in January, my contract arrived. I waited a week before signing because there were more problems surfacing with the company, but I ultimately signed…again because I wanted it to happen. But the bottom fell out with the company. It all unraveled leaving a dozen authors with nothing. Our contracts were voided and the rights to our works were returned. We were all left with shattered dreams. I thought I didn’t care, so I jumped right back into querying. I thought if happened once, I’d picked up again. I thought it would all work out, but it hasn’t. Instead, I was faced with a series of rejections and recommendations to revise. So now, that’s what I plan on doing – a major revise and rewrite.
This unintentional forced break has given me the opportunity to reflect and relax. It has allowed me to see what I need to do and to heal from the broken opportunity to be published. I know now that that was a higher power releasing me from something that could have ended very badly for my book and for me. It was a good thing.
Now, as Spring Break approaches and my grading has subsided, for now, I know what I want to do during my week off. I want to work on my book proposal and work on revising my novel. It’s going to be a creative week off and I can’t wait. As for everything else, I’m taking from a break from all of it…at least until I return to school. 😉
Jamie Handling 